139?! =D

139 :) hell to the yeahhh.

i'm going bra, pants, and make up shopping todayyy! and jackets? haha. i love jackets :) i like the multi colored ones and the hardcore ones.. ones with like a scene of a sunny day on the back. lol ok ok.
so i slit my hips last night. and i forgot when i went to the bathroom this morning and it hurt like crap ripping my shorts off. i'm not doing that anymore. sorry Ana, i'm not. it's not me and i'm better than that. you're good to me and i love you, but no. i have limits. i think the only reason i did it last night was because i really do wana see my bones. but i'll never cut deep enough to find them. because i don't want to.

some of you are concerned? please don't worry. i'm not ever gona cut again. i have limits, i'm standing by them. especially this one..

anyways, it's gona be hard to not be forced to eat today. i'll take a huge breakfast to my room and hide it.. but while i'm out i just know my mom's boyfriend is gona be like "OH LETS EAT! morgan, eat." ..well he does kinda 'think' that i always have super small portions so i could get away with nothing, maybe. i can say i'll have leftovers when i get home? i'll take laxatives with me in case i need them. and i can always purge. it's weird in public but desperate times call for desperate measures..

ps. I KNOW PURGING IS BAD AND WRONG AND DOESN'T REALLY LET YOU PAY FOR YOUR SINS but since 7th grade it's gotten more and more intense. it's just a thing. i protect my teeth but not much i can do about my insides. and i don't always use my fingers, i often just push in on my stomach and lean over and POOF i'm empty. i heard that the pushing in on the stomach is a hard-core bulimic thing..
i've realized i'm really 'extreme' with some things. and i don't try to be, it's just part of my stubborn personality. it comes with the package and you can't throw it away.

be stong ladiesss! <3
i'm trying to be careful. when i get worried is when you can get worried. cuz i know when something is about to go bad wrong and i won't even care to stop myself.