turtleturtle.

133 and bored with it.

Yesterday's heartbreak still hurts. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm not meant to be in a relationship right now? I can't let myself depend on people. I'm like an antique vase that's been broken and glued back together with Elmer's on multiple occasions and each time a few pieces were lost, gone forever. I've lost way too much in my life to put myself in a position where I could break the same way again. I know how bad it could hurt and I'm scared to ever feel that way again. I got a taste of that that feels like yesterday. Can I risk my decreasing instability for this? If I have full power to prevent the pain, should I? My boyfriend has more than enough power to kill me.
I just took 4 huge steps back. I feel like I need to hide in my shell again. Livin' life like a turtle - scared of the world, barely moving.

Last night I don't think I slept. But I remember dreaming. I don't remember falling asleep. Nightmare after nightmare I was chased around the house. I recall creeping about downstairs and outside. I don't remember why.

Sleep confusion mixed with questionable sadness.
Not the unstable combination my mood stabilizers are ready to face yet.

<3 it doesn't feel safe right now