No way.....

0 bites today. Success.
I was scared to look but I did. 133 and surprised. Confused.
I ate a lot this weekend, or it felt like I did.
I think I may have overdosed on laxatives. My stomach still hurts.

Saturday: Christmas shopping. I'm broke.
Sunday: Cleaning. Homework. Barn. DD.

Today:
Went to the dentist first thing. No matter what anyone tells you, the dentist is not fun in any way. Blood, sweat and tears. I have a cavity from purging. Again. This would be the fourth bulimia-induced cavity. My dentist knows. He has to. And I heard the lady who checked and clean my teeth mention my teeth condition. Wearing away due to stomach acid. Dentists know. They went to med school. They know why your teeth look the way they do.
I made it to school. 1st period was a goner since the dentist destroyed my mouth. Chemistry is a blur. My mouth still hurt from the evil teeth cleaning lady. She scraped, brushed, scraped, brushed, scraped, flossed, and scraped. Death lasted 'til 12. Third period was just happiness. So was my last class of the day. Sadly, DD wasn't there. Home sick.

My mom scheduled me a doctor appointment in January. Shortly after turning seventeen. I will be weighed. My blood and sugars will be checked. And providing my mom allows me to go on my own, I'm going to tell the doctor everything and have them check everything possible, even if it means I get probed via any orpheus.. Agreeing with my boyfriend, it is my responsibility to know what I'm doing to myself. I can't continue dying without knowing what stage of death my body is at. I predict I will be given an expiration date. Approximate life span. Ticking time bomb. I'll be blown to smithereens any minute.
How am I so accepting to that?
Somehow, so perfectly okay with me.
The only thing about the whole situation that makes me upset is that I'm okay with what will/might/could happen.

Why am I 133 if I ate so much this weekend? I usually put on more than that. I'm actually losing my weight instead of just cleansing the grossness out of me. There are actually only 133 pounds of me, if not less due to water. Firmly 11lbs underweight. This is happiness.

Today, I feel like I conquered the world all before 5:30pm. I finished wrapping up 4 people's gifts, cleaned out my car of trash and unnecessary crap, cleaned the kitchen and stairs, hung Christmas lights all over my room, and showered.
Tried to drink my health drink. My body rejected it. I threw up everywhere while my stepdad witnessed it. Zero suspicion. No questions.
Silence freezes the room.

I feel so free.
I feel incredible.

<3 happiness jumps in, to sit and stay a while.