Explode -> Implode -> Heal

So that family intervention. What?

It went something like this:
The rents walk in. I think they forgot. Mom starts with blahblahblah. I'm losing concentration gathering all my anger. I got some "you're not the same" wrapped around "ever since DD came along" and a list of mistakes/flaws/defects. Apparently my mom knows my feelings better than I do? What do I know..? I'm the one in a fight between myself and a zombie. There's sadness/anger/insomnia in the air floating solemnly with "miscommunications" and "fix your life" served with a big plate of "will continue taking the mood stabilizers, fix your friendship with Casey, therapy until we fix what's wrong with you". My mom blames my always-seasonal night terrors on DD. Oh, but.. I recall having the conversation with her that yes, they do always haunt me in the cold weather. What's that, Mom? Oh, I'm not allowed to defend myself or my newest friend DD? Oh yeah, sorry. I won't talk. I listened to the bashingbashingbashing of my entire existence. Because that's going to 'fix me'...
I creep to the door to have a cigarette. Perfect distraction. They continue to talk/rant/blame as we smoke. I complain of the cold. They keep smoking. I run away. Brilliance.

I call the boyfriend longing to hear his voice. Simple chitter chatter. He reads/stalks/invades my blog. While we're on the phone. It's not so much an invasion, I suppose. I'm just not used to letting someone who's "not like me" inside my brain like he is... It's new to me but he doesn't judge and he's not down my throat about what I do food-wise everyday. He asks simple questions about my habits sensitive of how he words it. I have no problem answering him. Mind blowing to me - how I'm so willing to share all aspects of my life with him. Something about this boy feels like forever/partners/together..

We throw our heads back and laugh at our imaginative "what if's" and take a few glances into the possible future. We trade our gratitude. I think I lectured him. Explaining how I feel for him, I can't stop. Can't stop looking for words. I could talk for years - how much he means to me. He's bringing me back to life. He shows up and the zombie hides. One touch, a hug, a kiss - it feels like the world stops and waits for us. I think he's magically showing me who I am again.
For my heart, he constructed the key.
He's from the Heavens setting me free.

Too much boyfriend wrapped around the brain, almost forgot to throw in the number update!

131 and still empty. Empty now, empty later, empty forever.
I feel like a Greek Goddess.
13 pounds underweight.
Happiness consumes.

Watch me get stuck. I see it coming.
About to beat the living shit out of myself.
Bracing myself.

<3 empty empty empty.
empty empty love empty.
empty love empty empty.
love empty empty empty.
empty empty empty love.