so when i got home today.. i thought about how i can't lose too much weight before my physical and i still don't know when it is.. but yeah. and i need energy to run tomorrow because my tendonitis is killing me since it was all gross and cloudy today. oh, and my hair was falling out when i was straightening it. awesome. so i ate. i didn't plan to eat alot, but i did. i mean, i still purged every bit of it but i eventually stopped becuase it gets annoying after the 3rd time. so i hit up some laxatives / stool softeners. those will catch up with me later tonight...
so i'm sick. as usual. it's always during the school year i'm sick every other week. literally. i'm either always catching colds, the flu, or throwing up.. if i didn't have a lab to catch up on tomorrow in chemistry i'd totally stay home. but no school monday so i'll rest then. miiiight not go to the bitch-friend's house if i can't even get out of bed this weekend. thank god too, cuz i don't wana gain weight. i almost don't care about the physical anymore. the only thing that matters is what feedback i get from the scale. which, by the way, was 138 after eating for an hour.
anywaysssssss. not eating til prolly monday with the excuse that i'm sick and have no appetite :D and i honestly don't want to. i say this and usually get hungry and would eat anything in sight but really, with all the eating and purging i've done, my chest and rib cage want to collapse all together. whatever
cigarettes and coffee til sunday? maybe even monday. or tuesday. tuesday. because i'll run again and get too weak to walk. can't faint in school again...
be strong ladies :)
School always made me get sick too. At least when you're sick, it's easier not to eat, right? Do be careful about the physical though, sweetie. I don't want someone to catch on to what you're doing and send you to some hospital where they make you eat. That would be so awful... Stay strong but find a balance. Much love.
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