Count down.

So I fasted pretty hard yesterday. It's 2pm and I still haven't eaten today. I don't want to. I feel so reserved. I just want to be alone with music, tv, and/or my cat. Something in me feels destroyed. Currently, I'm a little bored alone but I don't even mind it, not one bit. I want to be left alone. My runaway friend is still here though. She's pro-ana too. An ana buddy from school. Even though she failed yesterday and today, I'm still fighting strong. It feels so good. Hunger is my only happiness right now. I'm 138 and counting down. Not good enough, I prefer being 10 or more pounds underweight.

I feel like I'm being pulled around too much. I believe that everybody needs someone and I try to be that someone for as many people as will let me. Most everyone who understands me at all knows this. CLearly, I'm going to have more than one person need me. I'm hogged by bothered people who's problems I can't, but try to fix or help with. I know how important it is for people to need someone to lean on or hold when the going gets tough. Do they ever wonder if I need someone to lean on? Does anyone ever consider that I'm not really a therapist, but a 16yr old girl who goes to school, has a boyfriend, a horse, and a family to be with? Anyone ever offer to be that someone for me? Just because I don't show my pain and I don't reach out, doesn't mean I'm okay. Just because I don't come crying to people doesn't mean I don't need them. Just because I display perfection doesn't mean I possess any.
Asking for help, in my heart, tells me I'm weak. I always have, and more than likely always will have this mindset. It kills me. I feel like just a 20minute rant a day would make my life 200x better.

138 and counting down.
Stay skinny<3