9under.

Finally, a day that almost satisfies. But-
135 and hating myself.
Perhaps it's the health drink I just had and the average amount of water I've had today.
Time to dehydrate? Time to start running?
I think if I ran I'd faint.. Even laying down is hard.

I found this vitamin in my mom's cabinet (B12 and C). It said it was released over time and gives you energy all day. Sound's high tech. I took it and I was cracked out all day. It was nice to have energy through the day. Then I came home and crashed. No food all day. Sounds like I should be happy but the scale made that change. Nine pounds underweight is not enough. I want to waste away.

Fish oils have saved my life in school. Fish IS brain food. These pills are like eating an entire ocean of fish. I stay so focused in every class. I've been getting all my work done. Success. I hate that I rely on vitamins and teas to function like I used to.

Last night I had 3 nightmares back to back to back. I even stayed awake between the last two for at least an hour.
My greatest fears are big numbers and closing my eyes at night.
It's a shame, one of those used to be my biggest comfort - you can guess which one.

My old bitch friend, Casey, (who is no longer a bitch) is about to get slapped. Her jealousy over DD is driving me insane. Not my fault it's so convenient to be with her everyday after school. Not my fault she understands me way more. Her jealousy only drives me away. When friendship becomes an effort and almost a burden, is it even a friendship anymore?


Thanksgiving is only 3 days away. So much fear rattling in my gut.
I'm going to take one of the Oxycotton my mom has from her oral surgery on the day of the feast and drink lots of water all throughout the day. I'm going to fall asleep and stay asleep for so long that day. I'll just say it was the turkey - after all, turkey does make you sleepy. If I stay empty all 'till then and take laxatives that day, perhaps I'll either maintain or continue to lose. So scared..

So I told you all I'd been cutting like a maniac, correct? Well, scars like to stand out and stay on my skin. I begged my mom for Mederma. Already seeing a difference. It's a God send, I suggest it for anyone with nasty scars or stretch marks they're dying to get rid of. Granted, that junk is expensive.

Good luck to you all.
Stay skinny loves <3