dear Ana,

Dear Ana,

I feel so close to you now. You've brought me 12lbs underweight. I feel powerful when I'm so close to blacking out. But you know that I'll be sent away the moment my mother thinks my weight and my control over it becomes an "issue" again. I can't be taken away from the few great things here in my regular life. You know where I want to go in life, and it is NOT rehab. I hate how you make me feel reliable on Sudafed to fast. I hate how there are constantly bags under my eyes. I do, however, love how you bring my pretty little bones out from hiding. I love how you're making me pretty, beautiful, weightless. And I love, love, love you. I just feel all these things happening to me (as in being tired, weak, shaky, irritable, etc.) and I don't want it to draw certain people away or my mother's attention in our direction. Ween me off the Sudafed. Let me be "human". Regardless, I will follow your rules to a T, but I'm doing this for us. I need you to do something, too. Compromise. <3

-Morgs.