these are turning into a weekly thing..

so i wana say sorry for not posting very much. like at all. but i'm still so in control :)
anyways, same status as last weekend. ..my last few days have been rough. but i'm 138.0 .. i had a little more than 100 calories yesterday and didn't run. i had a horrible stomach ache. but then again, when do i not? but i didn't go to school. so i pretty much watched Degrassi all day leading up to the new season premeire :D ahhh! hahah it was intense. and hilarious. for anyone who watches it, Sav is so funny in awkward situations... he makes a face and turns around and walks away. lmao he's cute. and peter, .. i knew he'd go crazy and do something like that. typical.

ah k so my mom's away at her gun range til tomorrow night and even then she won't force me to eat :) AND NEXT WEEK, TUESDAY THROUGH SATURDAY THEY'RE GOIN TO VEGAS! omg. perfect fasting oppertunity. and running whenever i want. and i'll be busy cuz i have to take care of the dogs, the house, my cat, homework, and making coffee for myself. flat out. that's all i'm gona do. i wana fast as long as i can while they're gone. and run my ass off. i want 130. no more than 50cal a day if i absolutely need it while i'm alone. yes. it's about to get intense. i'll try to keep my computer somewhere i can open it and post everyday.

alright anyways, today i plan to just run alot. my goal is 5 miles. :) yay
uh, i have a date tonight. no food will be involved, or if it is he won't think anything of it if i don't eat.. unless he hears my stomach grumble. if he asks questions.. and gets suspicious.. fml. i'm gona have him take me right home. it's called PERSONAL BUSINESS meaning someone you go on a first date with doesn't really have a right to jump into it. i'm testy with people now'a days.
oh. i adore this kid. he's hilarious and OMG sweet. i told him straight up it could take forever to get to me and break down my walls, he was like okay i'll do it. i've been wanting a boy like that :) .. and all of a sudden i don't want to go on this date. like at all. i like when it's just me and ana. idk if i explained to yall he's the cute funny black kid in my gym class but yeah lol that's my next victim.
i have this history of getting bored with boys, i guess, in a very short time. i want to be stunned. i want him to make me want to stay awake because reality is better than fantasy. but that wont happen, at least not for a long time.. if i keep dreaming of my baby boy and smelling his breath everytime i close my eyes. mmmmmmmm. miss him..

so 138. running today. date tonight.
barn tomorrow.
i think i can make it to 137 tomorrow, right?

..i'm almost wanting this bad enough to work out and go to school and pass out one day in gym.
idc if i fall into a coma. only because i dream of my baby boy and smell him half the time. i'd seriously put myself into a coma just to see him. i can't go to the hospital and tell them to put me in a coma for that reason though, it'd have to be for some health reason. ugh gay.
i really.. really reallyyy miss him.