so i'm on the computer and i have music going and i thought hey, lets blog.
so idk my weight. i'm so scared to look. :( bad numbers make me eat my feelings. haha
so i havent taken my sudafed since saturday. it's been 4 days. i'm going insane! i'm exaughsted. i'm nautious. i'm bitchy. omg.
i'm still running alot :) it's my stairway to heaven. like, idk. running gives me this feeling like the faster i go and the farther i get, the closer i am to something that much better than right now. and when i get really tired is when i love it most. like i'm this weak and i can push myself this hard. it feels like happy. only way i know how to explain it :) haha i'm amazed i can run for like ever. but it's like i'm about to bust into the gates of heaven even though i'm chillin' on the treadmill, still. i'm moving foward. :)
i just cleaned the house :D and my room! omg amazing on a weekday. AND i'm pretty much caught up on my school work. wooooow. i feel like i'm in the right place as of right now. aw and this cute cuddly teddy bear boy i mentioned a while back asked me out. but i said no cuz i'm not ready for a 'relationship' i can't hold but so much on my plate. i think i'll ask HIM out when i hit 135 :D haha as my reward, boyfriend. hahahah.
k so still avoiding rehab and hospitals.
still in the process of losing !! for sure. never giving up.
tryin' to balance this crap hole i'm in that i guess most people would call life..
<3
ahh, I know how you feel, well done on getting all the stuff done though! doing all that work is such a good way to distract yourself! and thats sweet that he asked you out :) 135 = reward = BOYFRIEND haha, I hope you feel okay :) x
ReplyDeleteI wish I had your feelings about running! I have to force myself to do it and I always end up walking at least half of it. Good luck with staying out of rehab and I LOVE that idea about the boyfriend!
ReplyDeletei know what you mean about afraid to look at the scales. like... one second i want to hop on it because i'm dying to know how much i weigh, but the i also want to run away from it because i'm terrified to see how fat i truly am. stay strong! =]
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