i weighed myself with all my clothes on for today. i'm still 8lbs underweight (:
NEXT GOAL: 125
i'm headin' out for the day.
<3
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
131 !! WHAAAT ((:
hmm. someone's 13 lbs underweight today. yea, i am (:
131 baby!
so i can't help but say i'm not even hungry anymore. there is no desire for food. my emptiness is my new home. and i HATE to say, i need to eat. the floor almost came at me this morning. i need legitimate food. not a whole meal, of course. i don't think i could suffer that much food down no matter how good it is. i just need to keep myself from blacking out. sadly, we have crappy food in the house and i hate buying it just to throw it back up. i don't plan on eating today. sometime this week, i need to though. i cannot risk blacking out and my mom taking me to the doctor so i can be weighed & be more than 10lbs less than i was last time, resulting in being sent away.
i'm not excusing myself to binge. i just know that "food is life" and i'm running on empty right now. i am tough and can pull through. (:
stay strong loves<3
131 baby!
so i can't help but say i'm not even hungry anymore. there is no desire for food. my emptiness is my new home. and i HATE to say, i need to eat. the floor almost came at me this morning. i need legitimate food. not a whole meal, of course. i don't think i could suffer that much food down no matter how good it is. i just need to keep myself from blacking out. sadly, we have crappy food in the house and i hate buying it just to throw it back up. i don't plan on eating today. sometime this week, i need to though. i cannot risk blacking out and my mom taking me to the doctor so i can be weighed & be more than 10lbs less than i was last time, resulting in being sent away.
i'm not excusing myself to binge. i just know that "food is life" and i'm running on empty right now. i am tough and can pull through. (:
stay strong loves<3
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
ESCAPE. FINALLY.
i get to leave the house tomorrow (:
i hate how southerners are sooo scared of snow -__-
hangin' out with my buds. and of course, all dudes. ...i'm not a whore, i just relate better with guys. i think it's cuz i like girls too :P lol. more than likely gettin' action (: stayin' too busy to eat XD
so i feel the need to pour out my boy situation. it's okay, this is a blog, that's what it's for lol.
so last year i'd have like 5 boyfriends at a time but never make announcements about it and we kept it "our little secret". y'all know the movie John Tucker Must Die?? yup. I was a john tucker (: i think i'm trailing back into it. it's fun. and, keeps you busy. filling your time with boys/girls keeps you away from fooooooood (((: but i have this one guy who's noticed i hardly eat and he wants to feed me :X yeah. not letting that happen. i don't care how delicious he is. i'd rather lick his yummy self anyway ;)
fasted perfectly today.
stay strong <333
i hate how southerners are sooo scared of snow -__-
hangin' out with my buds. and of course, all dudes. ...i'm not a whore, i just relate better with guys. i think it's cuz i like girls too :P lol. more than likely gettin' action (: stayin' too busy to eat XD
so i feel the need to pour out my boy situation. it's okay, this is a blog, that's what it's for lol.
so last year i'd have like 5 boyfriends at a time but never make announcements about it and we kept it "our little secret". y'all know the movie John Tucker Must Die?? yup. I was a john tucker (: i think i'm trailing back into it. it's fun. and, keeps you busy. filling your time with boys/girls keeps you away from fooooooood (((: but i have this one guy who's noticed i hardly eat and he wants to feed me :X yeah. not letting that happen. i don't care how delicious he is. i'd rather lick his yummy self anyway ;)
fasted perfectly today.
stay strong <333
yay
dear Ana,
thank you for getting me through a whole day of no solids or blacking out ((:
love, Morgs
thank you for getting me through a whole day of no solids or blacking out ((:
love, Morgs
dear Ana,
Dear Ana,
I feel so close to you now. You've brought me 12lbs underweight. I feel powerful when I'm so close to blacking out. But you know that I'll be sent away the moment my mother thinks my weight and my control over it becomes an "issue" again. I can't be taken away from the few great things here in my regular life. You know where I want to go in life, and it is NOT rehab. I hate how you make me feel reliable on Sudafed to fast. I hate how there are constantly bags under my eyes. I do, however, love how you bring my pretty little bones out from hiding. I love how you're making me pretty, beautiful, weightless. And I love, love, love you. I just feel all these things happening to me (as in being tired, weak, shaky, irritable, etc.) and I don't want it to draw certain people away or my mother's attention in our direction. Ween me off the Sudafed. Let me be "human". Regardless, I will follow your rules to a T, but I'm doing this for us. I need you to do something, too. Compromise. <3
-Morgs.
I feel so close to you now. You've brought me 12lbs underweight. I feel powerful when I'm so close to blacking out. But you know that I'll be sent away the moment my mother thinks my weight and my control over it becomes an "issue" again. I can't be taken away from the few great things here in my regular life. You know where I want to go in life, and it is NOT rehab. I hate how you make me feel reliable on Sudafed to fast. I hate how there are constantly bags under my eyes. I do, however, love how you bring my pretty little bones out from hiding. I love how you're making me pretty, beautiful, weightless. And I love, love, love you. I just feel all these things happening to me (as in being tired, weak, shaky, irritable, etc.) and I don't want it to draw certain people away or my mother's attention in our direction. Ween me off the Sudafed. Let me be "human". Regardless, I will follow your rules to a T, but I'm doing this for us. I need you to do something, too. Compromise. <3
-Morgs.
Monday, February 1, 2010
gap? ^_^
thigh gap?!
i tried on my moms pants that were tight or didn't fit over the summer and BAM they fit ^_^ yay. as of my own pants, LOOSE! yeahhhh babyyyy.
oh. then i was like oh, i have a thigh gap. >_> it's little bit nonetheless it's there and GROWING.
fasting today.
this thigh gap got me inspired :D
stay strong! <3
sleepwalking?
goooood morning my loves.
so i've apparently gotten up and moved throughout the house 3 times before now. i have zero recollection of the matter, lol. and my mother said i talked to her and her bf at some point but i don't remember anything about this morning before now. to me, this is my first time rolling out of bed. it's only slightly concerning because i hope i didn't manage to put something in my mouth other than coffee. and i was having crazy dreams going from one setting to another. most of which had food in them. i hope i didn't actually eat :/
133, my loves. fasting today.
maybe i can go down to 131 tmrw XD
be strong <3
so i've apparently gotten up and moved throughout the house 3 times before now. i have zero recollection of the matter, lol. and my mother said i talked to her and her bf at some point but i don't remember anything about this morning before now. to me, this is my first time rolling out of bed. it's only slightly concerning because i hope i didn't manage to put something in my mouth other than coffee. and i was having crazy dreams going from one setting to another. most of which had food in them. i hope i didn't actually eat :/
133, my loves. fasting today.
maybe i can go down to 131 tmrw XD
be strong <3
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