Good Morning (: ehh...

SO i'm at my friends house. no one's here. the little brother is playing with a friend and my friend is in saturday school. anyways, been eating and saving my live with exlax. idk my weight but i know it's not over 140. i know because i've been through this same pattern before and i was still 138.


i hate eating so much. i just woke up so ima prolly go have my first cup of coffee and a cigarette.
can't wait to get out of this house tonight. i SWEAR it's haunted with ghosts that make you eat. ugh

stay strong loves <3

went to the doctor. weighed 140 with water, food, and all my clothes o.O oh man. i wonder if they take the clothes into consideration when recording one's weight? hmm. well. it's only 4lbs under weight. no biggieee (:

I LOVE HEATHER
I'M GOING TO STARVE MY FRIEND TODAY BECAUSE I HAVE ALOT OF DRIVING AROUND TO DO AND SHE'S GONA BE WITH ME BUT I WON'T FEED HERRR XD lolll

be strong loves <3

doctorrr.

going to the doctor today at 137lbs. a whole 7lbs LESS then i'm supposed to be. sweeeet. WATER WATER WATER. gotta weigh myself down. maybe i'll just have breakfast and take some exlax. i haven't had biscuits in a while... idk. don't feel like suffering like that. hmmmmm. well it's 10:30am. too late to get anywhere for breakfast food i guess. i live so far from everything. the closest thing is a CVS up the road. THANK GOD. strange looks for only buying 2 boxes of exlax is nothing compared to saving my weight. ugh.

going to my friends house later. the one where i ALWAYS eat at her house. her ma hasn't gone grocery shopping in a while. maybe there won't be anything good. (:

more pics

sooooo my spine is out there like a spikey dinosaur :) and as for my nasty belly i have no idea why it's nasty and deformed. i think just standing up i look like shit -__- fml.

so 136 much? yeah. that's my plateau. fucking nasty >:|

the secret's out o.O

hey, i wana thank my ana-buddy for great support and just being there. we're actually buds :) i love her. so i fasted yesterday. PERFECTION. i wish i didn't feel the need to rely on Sudafed to feel full all day. i wish there was something i could get that i didn't have to have an 18yr old buy. :/ oh well. it works. he doesn't mind. life is okay

so i told my favorite, best dude friend about my lifestyle last night. he didn't flip out or get mad. he basically told me he'd be there for me and it doesn't scare him. THANK GOD. i adore him. i had to tell him because i got an e-mail from someone who's doing a documentary on ED and wanted to interview me for it XD i was so excited i blurted it out to him and he goes "oh, what's your blog about?" -__- i'm stupid. so i told him. in tears. i told him via AIM but when he told me it was all okay it felt like he was holding me. greatest feeling ever. but no one else will know. it makes me feel so naked he knows my secret o.O

anywho, just thanking everyone for their support and my ana-budy for being awesome. aaand updating y'all on my new found friend who knows my secret. ahhhh

stay strong beauties <3
love you all

updateeee with photo

so this is meeeee. thought yall'd like a new visual. ps. got my curls to be PERFECTTT that day. that was like, last week. my waist is disappearing XD

my stomach is still sick nastyyyy though. ugh

it's been a whileeee

so i haven't been on in the longest time! and i'm so sorry!

so i'll say i've been good and bad but i'm a perfectly steady 138 STILL. i reached 136 at one point though.

new things:

-i got my license!

so now i can go out and get laxatives if ever need be. and it's the perfect get-away from food! and i burn calories cuz i blast my music and dance at the wheel :) NO WORRIES, I'M SAFE. i swear. it's red lights i'll get jiggy at lol.

-MY GRADES ARE DOING AWESOME

i have a C in algebra 2 but i'll take it. i've brought it up BIG TIME. it was an F a while ago. then slowly made its way to a D. now i'm at a pretty little C. now i just need to pass this exammm....

-so my mom is no long concerned because of how bad i've been to Ana.

no more hospital for meeeee. and this whole rehab thing just blew over lol. THANK GOD.

anyways, i'll try my best to keep getting on. but driving now, i'm busy as crap. and always tired.

i love and have missed you all!

stay strong <3